The Chinese – Japanese dialogue once America leaves

Some ruminations of how the real discussion would go if Mizuho Fukushima’s Okinawa dispute results in America canceling the Status of Forces Agreement, and pulling the whole military out of Japan.

Japan: Hello China, we’d like to talk about a peace treaty with you!

China: Yes, in time. First you should show your good faith.

Japan: Great! We see ourselves as helping to create a community of equals in Asia!

China: Well, yes, at some point our countries should work together for the greater harmony of all. If you agree to that harmony.

Japan: Yes! That’s what’s we’re looking for. Now, about that treaty . . .

China: Yes, well, we have to consider it.

[Several years later]

Japan: Isn’t it time we finally write a peace treaty to end World War II? A treaty of friendship and amity?

China: Fine. Here are our thoughts:

1) You don’t need to import food from the West. We can take care of what we think you need for you.

2) We are concerned about your electronics industry. Even though we are on friendly terms now, there is of course the past history, that we have only now (several years later) begun to discuss honestly. We would be concerned that your electronics industry might be used for military purposes, so we want to regulate it. You should check with Beijing what kind of electronics industry you can have.

3) As for other industries, we will let you know what the Asian Region of Harmony needs for manufactures. Unfortunately, your labor costs are still too high for the rest of us. And since we can make almost everything we need, we have a hard time even convincing our allies in the region to make the trade concessions they do in your favor. They call it the “Sympathy Budget” for Japan.

4) Sending satellites into orbit, or frankly, any projectile up beyond a height of 500 meters or so could be considered threatening, in light of history. Plus it may alarm our allies: Korea, Restored Taiwan, and the Ryuukyuu Protectorate, in the region. Please check with us first.

5) About your declining birthrate problem: We do not consider it a problem. Your defense minister, Mizuho Fukushima, didn’t either many years ago. So we say that is that. We appreciate that you send young Japanese women to our cities, since your labor opportunities are limited in your own country. They provide a comfort to us, let’s say.

6) We would like a symbol somewhere in Tokyo to show Japan’s true remorse for its aggression against the region in the 20th century. May we suggest an appropriate memorial of reflection at a location in Central Tokyo. Perhaps at the Times 24 Yasukuni parking lot in Chiyoda-ku, where the shrine used to be?

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